Pretend
by perlumi
Summary: Pretend it doesn't freeze you. Pretend you don't care. Just pretend -for you can never be together again.


First published on my tumblr, for the prompt "You fainted…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn't have to go to such extremes."

* * *

When he wakes up, Russia feels a little groggy. Today, he has an appointment with the Baltic states, and he can't help but feel nervous. He tries to tell himself that it doesn't matter, that he's used to their shivers and scared frowns. Except he's not.

He gets up anyway and takes a shower, not bothering drying his hair after. Drips of water fall slowly onto his neck, and the sensation, while unpleasant and cold, is soothing in its own way. It's cold, as cold as his heart.

Russia puts on his scarf, and buries his face in it, trying to calm himself. It's just a meeting. Nothing can go wrong. He can do it.

His still damp hair sticks uncomfortably to the skin of his neck -he shivers, suddenly frozen. Everything seems dull.

He walks toward the meeting room, his confidence crumbling with each step he takes. Taking a deep breath, he enters the room -hopefully no one is there yet. He still has time to regain his composure. But then he hears steps in the corridor, and he averts his eyes from the door, nervous. He knows that step. It's Li-

"Oh, Russia, you're already here. And here I thought I was early."

Russia finally looks up. Lithuania spoke with little concern, voice clear yet soft. Russia doesn't know how to act. He doesn't even know how Lithuania can seem so detached he seems devoid of worry, focusing on why they are here rather that on the fact that they are together. Russia wishes he could do the same. Instead, he justs walks shyly towards Lithuania, anxious. He's just going to shake his hand, that's all. No hug, no kiss, no whisper, nothing. Those belong to a past they both wish they could forget.

But as his hand reaches for Lithuania's, Russia feels himself falling. He hears Lithuania shouting, strong arms supporting him as he closes his eyes. The last thing he feels before passing out is another drip of water, crawling under his clothes to rest right against his heart. It's freezing.

* * *

There's a hand on his forehead, warm and comforting. The thumb is lightly stroking his now dry hair, and Russia relaxes into the touch. Then he remembers what happened, and his eyes open nervously. Lithuania is looking at him with concerned eyes, worry written all over his face. Then, as Russia moves himself into a sitting position, a anxious smile appears on Lithuania's face.

"You fainted…straight into my arms."

Russia blushes slightly. He never meant to pass out, of course. He glances at Lithuania, ready to explain himself, but Lithuania's smile dies on his lips, and he continues :

"You know, if you wanted my attention you didn't have to go to such extremes."

Throat dry, Russia averts his eyes. Lithuania sounds tired, and _bitter_.

"I didn't mean to, I swear", he says softly. "I just... fell."

Lithuania frowns, and his hand brushes again against Russia's forehead. "Take care of yourself, will you ? I.. I don't like seeing you like this."

Russia just nods, enjoying while he can the feeling of Lithuania touching him. So the brunet really _is_ concerned about his health, after all. It makes him happy, in a twisted way. Even if they swore long ago that everything was over, they still feel something for each other. Even if it's just worry, or remorse -so be it.

But Lithuania's hand leaves him too soon, and he straightens himself.

"We should report the meeting if you don't feel well. We can still meet another time."

Russia's chest tightens, but he agrees. Lithuania looks at him for another moment, then gets up to exit the room.

"Won't you stay with me ? Please."

Lithuania seems to hesitate for a few seconds, but his voice is clear as he speaks. "No."

Russia watches him close the door. Hoping won't bring him anywhere, Russia knows that, but it hurts so much. Lithuania is cruel in his kindness. He stopped him from falling, and carried him to his bed, staying with him till he woke up. And yet he refused to stay a little longer, his gentle touch lasting just enough to remind Russia of what they had -of what they lost.

And Russia knows, he _knows_ that they won't ever have it again. He still closes his eyes, placing his hand on his forehead and imagining it is still Lithuania's.

Strangely enough, he is no longer frozen. The cold inside of him melted somehow, only making the burn of his heart stronger.


End file.
